Thanks a lot to everyone for the nice comments they have given on my maiden blog on this page and also on the mails; although now I can’t expect any more comments from those whom I was expecting . All of ur comments have actually shown me that the topic “Suicide” is varied across vast gamut and its not easier for a person to capture all these in one blog… But this blog is not for this…this blog is for the most adventurous weekend I would have spent in my past couple of years; OK not that dramatic but still quite an un-forgetful weekend.
It’s a night typical to Wales – rainy, breezy and cold to the extent it can be, I cant see the moon in the channel and the wind has ensured that autumn fall get over before the onset of winter…I, alone in a big house, drinking hot chocolate and eating chips (as usual) thought of having an early sleep, as I was planning to go to shopping on next day. So I came to my room, closed the door & started reading the book am going through nowadays, Ruskin Bond Omnibus-III. Reading the book always takes me out of the dimension of time, so again I was lost for an hour or so in this when I thought now I should sleep, but before that let me check all the doors and then sleep, although in UK houses are more secure than ours but still typical Hindustani…I went till the handle of my room and tried opening it. I don’t know what was there in the milk, chocolate or in chips that made me so strong and so powerful that one push of mine broke the handle of the door…
Now I, in the middle of night, alone in the home, locked from inside with broken door handle, sounds great na…I thought of calling my colleague, but as I had earlier thought not to burden too much already burdened UK telecom service providers, I have only 5 pence in my cell, in which I cant call anyone…oh god! India is so good, I can call anyone with 1 Re… Now plan B, I can actually jump out of my room, which is some 15 feet above ground, come back to my room and open from outside, sounds feasible, BUT, its raining cats & dogs, so jumping this height in this time, and actually our backyard doesn’t come directly to road, I would have to walk some 10 min and then have to come to my door (if the backyard have an door to go out, as I have never ventured there); so I thought of doing something else, well what about any of my friend calling me tomorrow morning, I can ask them to call my landowner, he will come and rescue me, good…but my landowner is always on voice mail, which he check only on weekdays, so staying locked in my own room for whole weekend? Not a bright prospect… well then my colleagues can call me, may be for a movie and that time I can ask any of them to rescue me, but security here is quite good so they won’t be able to come in also, but may be my landowner will be here…then I thought that ‘May Be’ is coming in too much proportion, so let me do something, and started to pray… I would have enchanted all the prayers of all the gods I know. No nothing happened, not let me check out something else, let me start breaking the lock itself, may be that will work. But without proper tool or anything it’s not possible, then suddenly I realised of my nail cutter, come-on don’t laugh, something is always better than nothing, so I started working over it…have to do something else, started working over lock from my fingers, my all fingers got sore, nothing happened…so I thought that better sleep now and I’ll do something tomorrow, else my team mates will at least find me missing and then will search for me. I thought that I should have asked some one to be with me for weekend, so this thing would not happen, but am the only one of my gender in the whole team so even this prospect was not bright enough.
So I slept, in the locked room with broken handle, and as usual woke up quite late, then again started the chanting of all possible prayers and though to again jump from my window, but my goodness what I thought of 15 feet turn out to be 20 feet, but there are pipes, so I can do this, suddenly I saw the old Welsh couple staying next to me and looked me so suspiciously that I thought if I do something like this I’ll be pakka imprisoned. Now having no other options, I started breaking or removing the lock…I started doing all possible things, but those who know me, know my power, I was just on the verge of climbing down the pipes when I thought of giving last try. may be because of my determination or may be because of my prayers, after an effort of 32 minutes, I finally broke the lock, and came out of the room with a big smile, which looks good on me (as per some special people)…
But hey, don’t worry my adventures have not stopped…but let me stop here and let me make that as next blog material?
Hey folks, do post ur comments and why dont u tell me that what u would have done if u were ME?…I know nothing to post…but still a formality…
Saturday 3 November 2007
Monday 22 October 2007
Hats off to those who Suicide
From a long time, I was planning to pen down about something...but i was totally clueless about that something. After reading Shwetha's blog, i guess i found something about what i can write...
I read the article about suicide and it actually made me think and Google the suicidal tendencies. i actually disagree with what other people generally say about those who commit suicide, that they are weak... they are indeed one of the strongest people i guess u can ever find...
It takes lots of courage to end ur life, to take the most precious thing from ur self. the pain which it causes when u end ur life, the pain it causes when ur family loose one of the beloved member, the pain which society, directly or indirectly gives to the family of deceased. so i guess the cause of ending the life will be far bigger than all these.
we always say that there are nothing which can make u take ur life, no situation is not as grave that it can cause someone to take life- i agree, but the reason for causing the enormous pain is not the situation, it is ourselves, the society in which we move. how many times have we actually known that a person was depressed before s/he ended the life? how many of us actually cared enough to touch someones life not daily, but at least in a month. how many times have we actually sat and had a heart to heart chat with those about whom we care? we take all these things for granted, and suddenly BANG....the person u were so close to committed suicide. I have been in depression and from my experience, i doubt that a depressed person will ever go to anyone and say hey talk to me...am depressed....
It actually takes much amount of time to commit suicide, its like drowning urself in river, when u r the best swimmer in the world. no one wants to end life...but the idol u have always worshipped (it can be anything, anyone-someone who ditched u, someone who breached ur trust, something u wanted desperately and u didn't get, marks u didn't score, job u didn't get), suddenly its broken...all is gone...everything floored out just under ur feet, u need someone to have a word with, someone to share ur pain; but all are busy, no one noticed that u r down and out...no one knows that u r in need of company...it feels terrible...it feels as if the only loser in this world is u...its feels like being the last person worth in the world, it feels when u know u r the last person to know that lock of the door has been changed. this pain accumulates and then one day u realise that u cant bear all this anymore and u do the inevitable.
it actually takes a lot of courage to end ur life, that pain when the chemical burns and cuts the muscles of ur body, the pain when ur brain is in desperate need for oxygen, when the water is going inside ur body, u want to vomit all...but cant do...
I once asked papa, why is suicide a crime but we are asking for Mercy-killing to become a law? he answered me in a simple line....
I work for an NGO, i have seen there plenty of people who are visually impaired, so the though just occur to me that whether never think of ending their lives? i asked a Senior person their, who has lost his eye sight recently. he told me" I was working in an IT company, had a love marriage after 9 years of courtship; suddenly it happened. My company disowned me, my family took me here for training and they never came back...my wife divorced me within 15 days and i was all alone. But i found friends here, who showed me that thank god life is not all that Bad, thank God i have seen enough colors in world, which others can not even imagine. That's it".
So am not here to say that its the best thing to do, but am here to simply say that before questioning others, lets just sit down and think what we can do for those whom we love...If by chance any one of u is planning to commit suicide, I'll say one thing, Even if i die today it wont affect anyone for more than 1 month, and some close people may be affected for 1 year...that's it...so even am not worth of living...but am happily living, eating food, ice creams and teasing everyone is my proximity....but if i commit suicide today, it will shock everyone, it will pinch to those who loved me for ever, and i guess i cant be that bad to do something to those whom i love.just think of those who are not as privileged as u, someone who can never hear the music of love, someone who don't have the days when stars brighten on u, showing the path no matter moon is out or not...
I'm not wise enough to give a solution or conclude that whats right and whats not, but i can just say at last that's the biggest irony of suicide is that the people committing it are the strongest breed, but at the same time they are the one who need most affection...they are courageous enough to go though all these pain but weak to even turn to someone to have a word. I know u can always talk to someone whom u don't know about ur pains easily then whom u know...so y not start it today...make ur self that someone for some soul...u can be a soul catcher and life saver for not only a person but for a family...and at last "Men is logically most illogical person"...so nothing can better conclude it.
I read the article about suicide and it actually made me think and Google the suicidal tendencies. i actually disagree with what other people generally say about those who commit suicide, that they are weak... they are indeed one of the strongest people i guess u can ever find...
It takes lots of courage to end ur life, to take the most precious thing from ur self. the pain which it causes when u end ur life, the pain it causes when ur family loose one of the beloved member, the pain which society, directly or indirectly gives to the family of deceased. so i guess the cause of ending the life will be far bigger than all these.
we always say that there are nothing which can make u take ur life, no situation is not as grave that it can cause someone to take life- i agree, but the reason for causing the enormous pain is not the situation, it is ourselves, the society in which we move. how many times have we actually known that a person was depressed before s/he ended the life? how many of us actually cared enough to touch someones life not daily, but at least in a month. how many times have we actually sat and had a heart to heart chat with those about whom we care? we take all these things for granted, and suddenly BANG....the person u were so close to committed suicide. I have been in depression and from my experience, i doubt that a depressed person will ever go to anyone and say hey talk to me...am depressed....
It actually takes much amount of time to commit suicide, its like drowning urself in river, when u r the best swimmer in the world. no one wants to end life...but the idol u have always worshipped (it can be anything, anyone-someone who ditched u, someone who breached ur trust, something u wanted desperately and u didn't get, marks u didn't score, job u didn't get), suddenly its broken...all is gone...everything floored out just under ur feet, u need someone to have a word with, someone to share ur pain; but all are busy, no one noticed that u r down and out...no one knows that u r in need of company...it feels terrible...it feels as if the only loser in this world is u...its feels like being the last person worth in the world, it feels when u know u r the last person to know that lock of the door has been changed. this pain accumulates and then one day u realise that u cant bear all this anymore and u do the inevitable.
it actually takes a lot of courage to end ur life, that pain when the chemical burns and cuts the muscles of ur body, the pain when ur brain is in desperate need for oxygen, when the water is going inside ur body, u want to vomit all...but cant do...
I once asked papa, why is suicide a crime but we are asking for Mercy-killing to become a law? he answered me in a simple line....
Suicide is crime because u make other suffer for ur pain and Mercy killingi may sound bit regressive, anti feminist, or orthodox; but the pain of a family who lose their daughter is always bit more than whats a boy's family suffer...the society make them suffer more..the reason of the suicide of a girl can be anything, but one question always comes out of the blue, was THAT the reason? i have seen this happen to one of my senior, her sister committed suicide, because of some marks...but the stares which she and her family found was not of sympathy but of questions, unlimited questions...so if someone is committing it, s/he have lost the control of their lives...all these pains are nothing in comparison to pain they are going through.
should be a law because u end others pain along with urs.
I work for an NGO, i have seen there plenty of people who are visually impaired, so the though just occur to me that whether never think of ending their lives? i asked a Senior person their, who has lost his eye sight recently. he told me" I was working in an IT company, had a love marriage after 9 years of courtship; suddenly it happened. My company disowned me, my family took me here for training and they never came back...my wife divorced me within 15 days and i was all alone. But i found friends here, who showed me that thank god life is not all that Bad, thank God i have seen enough colors in world, which others can not even imagine. That's it".
So am not here to say that its the best thing to do, but am here to simply say that before questioning others, lets just sit down and think what we can do for those whom we love...If by chance any one of u is planning to commit suicide, I'll say one thing, Even if i die today it wont affect anyone for more than 1 month, and some close people may be affected for 1 year...that's it...so even am not worth of living...but am happily living, eating food, ice creams and teasing everyone is my proximity....but if i commit suicide today, it will shock everyone, it will pinch to those who loved me for ever, and i guess i cant be that bad to do something to those whom i love.just think of those who are not as privileged as u, someone who can never hear the music of love, someone who don't have the days when stars brighten on u, showing the path no matter moon is out or not...
I'm not wise enough to give a solution or conclude that whats right and whats not, but i can just say at last that's the biggest irony of suicide is that the people committing it are the strongest breed, but at the same time they are the one who need most affection...they are courageous enough to go though all these pain but weak to even turn to someone to have a word. I know u can always talk to someone whom u don't know about ur pains easily then whom u know...so y not start it today...make ur self that someone for some soul...u can be a soul catcher and life saver for not only a person but for a family...and at last "Men is logically most illogical person"...so nothing can better conclude it.
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